Sunday, 31 January 2016

Judgement / Dear Lady in Starbucks


Firstly, let me set the scene. Ben and I walked in Starbucks to meet his family and Nathaniel. It was towards the end of the day, quite a cold day and we're all rather tired.

Dear Lady in Starbucks,

As much as I know the view can be limited to buses, cars and people, there is a fine line with window and people watching in coffee shops, and completely staring in judgement. Now, I'm not sure if you realised but it happened as soon as we entered the store and we were sat near your family. It didn't look like you were having much of a conversation with your family, but more listening closely to ours, whilst also starring.

Then, your judgement really began; I offered Nathaniel a pop crisp. This really frustrated me, I could see your judgement in the whispers and look of disgust when he accepted it. Why would you judge a parent offering their child a small treat after already eating? You also have no idea what my child eats on a daily basis, that he eats 3 healthy meals a day and has rarely turned away what we put in front of him. But of course, you were not to know that as we are just people in a coffee shop trying to relax. 

I know one thing for sure, I have a happy and healthy child. I have a very strong feeling you thought he was older than Nathaniel is as he is a strong, big build considering he has just turned 2. If he is tired and want's his dummy at 5PM, I am not going to be the one to stop him. Especially as has barely asks for it throughout the day. 

OH, and the biggest peeve of your judgement. When you watch us leave and notice that I have a baby bump because I am pregnant. The judgement that I am 22, with not only one child, but another one on the way. What is wrong with having children young and starting a family? You have no idea what our story is, the likeliness of us actually having to have started a family was very limited to begin with and our relationship. 

There is NOTHING wrong with being a young, middle aged, or even older parent as long as your child is happy and fed. Why are there so many people closed minded like you who judge a young person for their choices without even asking their story. 

People could ask me why I noticed you and to be honest, being sat nearly opposite it was hard not to notice and to be made to feel 1 feet tall by a total stranger. It is people similar to you in our society that judge parents, lowering people's confidence and ability of bringing up children. As a parent, you should have known that you can have days where you feel incredibly lonely, even though you are never alone. Your confidence to take your children to certain places gets knocked just incase they have a tired tantrum can get completely destroyed and you can become very isolated.

This is why no parent should be judged when their child is perfectly happy.
I was rather upset after leaving, but, I realised that I am not the problem and it is you, who is closed minded to parents and their choices that is a problem.

So please, next time leave your judgement until you're in your own space because it is unnecessary and you have no idea what it can do to anyone.

From, one parent to another.


Let me know your comments and thoughts in the comments below,

Love S x


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2 comments

  1. Yes! I became a mother aged just 17. I was judged harshly on a regular basis. I married my daughters father and she is now an amazing 15 year-old with a bright future ahead. Judgement is so ugly xx

    Www.thirtysomethingbelle.com.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes! I became a mother aged just 17. I was judged harshly on a regular basis. I married my daughters father and she is now an amazing 15 year-old with a bright future ahead. Judgement is so ugly xx

    Www.thirtysomethingbelle.com.

    ReplyDelete

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